Book, Fear, Healing, Stress

Another Update

Deb M

I’m surprised to be back here so soon with another update, but here we are. On March 10th I will be meeting with my developmental editor to go over the first round of edits. I’m excited to be diving back into revisions with fresh focus and ideas. It’s a little scary to be working with someone new. When fear and uncertainty well up I remind myself of all the support I’ve acquired along the way. This writing journey has brought so many wonderful people into my life and I’m sure that will continue.

An email arrived this morning that stopped me in my tracks and made me stop and take a deep breath. The publishers print goal for my book is August 17, 2026. This is much sooner than I anticipated! It’s not bad but it is surprising and overwhelming to think about. The dark side of this is I’ve begun to worry about the church and the blow back I’m bound to receive. I’d love to say I’m healed and not worried about how they will react but that would be a lie. Their reaction is the ominous cloud that threatens to ruin my happiness and sense of accomplishment. I know I have the bravery to push through my worries, I just have to dig a little deeper.

That’s all I have for right now. I will keep sharing updates as I have them. If you’re not connected to me over on Substack please follow and subscribe. I can be found at Surviving Church and Childhood.

Book, Uncategorized

Final Girl Moves Ahead

Deb M

Whew, the last couple of weeks have been a whirlwind. I don’t think anyone can accuse Atmosphere Press of moving slowly. I’m enjoying the quick pace. If you know me, you know I hate to wait, That being said, it’s a lot. I’ve met with an acquisitions editor, my project manager, and a book cover design team member. Any time now I should also be hearing from a developmental editor. I can’t wait to dive back into my memoir and gain some fresh perspective.

When working on the book cover I had to send ten examples of covers I like so they can get a sense of my aesthetic. Then they asked for excerpts from the book to give them a feel for the narrative. I also sent them a list of words I felt described the mood of the book. I can tell that this part of the process is going to be challenging for me. I want a cover that provides the reader with a good idea of what the book is about, but also a cover that isn’t too dark or depressing. Once I have some options I will create a poll so you can give me your input.

Along with Final Girl, I’m working on a new book. The working title is A Spiritual Home. It’s weird to be back at the beginning of a project again. I’m feeling energized by the challenge. I will continue to provide updates on both books here as I have them.

Book

I’m Publishing My Book

Deb M

It is finally happening and I’m so excited to share this great news with you. Last week was a big week for me. I signed with a hybrid publisher and now things are moving forward. It has been a journey of many years to get me to this place. I’m so grateful for all those along the way who have offered me support. I’ve got many big decisions coming my way and to be honest it feels a little overwhelming. I keep reminding myself that you can only do your best and hope that the team of people around you can help you out when things get tough. My next step is to meet with my book’s project manager and then the developmental editor. I will post updates here when I have them!

Healing, Uncategorized

Phoenix Lessons Podcast

Deb M

Hey friends, I was invited to be on a podcast to talk about healing and moving on after leaving the church. It was a wonderful conversation that I think you’ll enjoy.

If you’d like to listen you can find it here, https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/beyond-belief-finding-choice-after-a-cult-with/id1796401391?i=1000737793394

It is also available on other podcasting platforms if Apple doesn’t work for you.

As a side note, I’m feeling better. I’m not out of the slump completely, but I’m getting there.

Depression, Trauma, Writing

Fall Slump

Deb M

Well, well, well, I knew it would hit eventually, and now it has. The terrible fall slump. Even with my light box fired up every day, my inner glow feels very dim. Some of my lack of ambition comes from the time change, ushering the darkness in earlier. The brownness of it all also plays a role. The leaves are mostly fallen, and the ground is beginning to look more like mud than pretty leaves. The few snowflakes that have fallen melt almost immediately and add to the muddiness of it all. It is an in-between time, a threshold, a breath before winter.

I wish the change in the seasons was the only thing making me feel this way. November is a hard month for me. A few years ago I suffered a betrayal that broke my heart and now every November I am reminded of what happened. I try to plan for this, knowing that it’s coming, but there are some things you just can’t plan your way through. I’m also doing some really deep trauma work right now. It’s all good stuff but it’s also exhausting.

I’ve said all this to say I just don’t feel like writing. This is very inconvenient. You might remember I’m in the midst of a writing challenge right now. Whenever a thought surfaces about writing or sending out queries, my brain begins to flood me with other options. You could clean that shelf, or put some laundry in, hey…what you really need to do is work on the Thanksgiving menu. As I slump around the house, crossing unimportant items off my list, shame and guilt rise within me. All this leaves me feeling depressed, uninspired, and just wanting to go to bed.

As I’m writing this, I am reminded that there are so many out there suffering way worse than me. The governmental shutdown has hurt so many, and I’m sure the pain is going to get worse before it gets better. All of the terrible political stuff happening in the world just seems to pile onto everything else going on.

Yep, I’m a Debbie Downer. I’m not sure why I’m writing this tonight except to say everything feels hard right now. Part of me wants to work on my current project, and the other part of me wants to write anything else. If you’re having a hard time right now, I hope it gets better soon. I will get up and back on the horse. I might even work on my project before the night is over. I just keep having to remind myself that my best has to be enough, and we all have times like this.

Writing

November Writing Challenge

Deb M

It might seem strange to begin a new book when the first one hasn’t been published yet, but trust me there is a reason for my madness. As I’ve been going through the process of querying agents I’ve heard the same advice over and over. Don’t stop writing. This makes sense to me because writing is the part of this whole adventure that really feeds me. The business end of things is not my cup of tea, and so if I can balance that out with some writing every day I think that would be healthy. Of course, I never really stopped writing because I write here and on Substack, it’s just a different kind of writing.

My plan is to participate in the Reedsy November Writing Challenge. I will be aiming for 50,000 words by the end of the month. The working title of my new project is called, A Spiritual Home. It will be another memoir, and very different from the one I am currently seeking representation for. It’s still vulnerable work and I will have to dig deep into my bravery stores in order to complete it. Wish me luck! If you want to join me in the writing challenge, drop me an email and I will help you get started.

C-PTSD, Trauma

Healing Can Mean Getting Angry

Deb M

Happy Sunday friends, I hope you’re having a restful weekend. Today finds me feeling deep gratitude for my healing journey. Lately I’ve been pondering shame and blame and how it can stay with us for a long time. Shame feels like a clinger, no matter how hard you try to shake it off it just won’t let go. I’ve been working to heal my shame for what feels like forever. During this time I’ve had to figure out how to separate what shame/blame belongs to me and what shame/blame belongs to others. It might seem like the answers would be obvious but when you’ve been raised in a toxic spirituality that teaches you that you are always to blame it can become hard to see reality. Even when you’ve solved the question of shame it keeps coming back around and you have to keep rejecting what isn’t your to carry.

Putting the shame and blame where they belong doesn’t mean you’re magically healed. I was deeply sad for a long time. I would ask myself, why would a man want to hurt me that way? Why would the church blame me when I was just a child? Why do they still seem to think I deserve to carry the shame of what others did to me before I could consent? If I let these questions get the best of me, I would be carried off to a very dark place. I would be overflowing with self-loathing and depression.

For about a year, I have been working with a very good therapist who really understands trauma. Because of this I have noticed a shift beginning to come over me. I’m not sad about the trauma anymore, I’m angry. This may not seem like much improvement but it is a big deal to me. I finally feel like I’m moving through my trauma again. I was making progress before and then some things happened in my life that caused me to freeze and kind of shut down. Freezing seems to be my preferred trauma response at the moment and once I’m there it is hard as hell to thaw out. So I’m angry, what does that mean? Well…I think it means that my self-loathing has lifted and I’m not feeling so sad. When I think about what happened to me I’m no longer interrogating myself but I’m allowing myself to feel anger towards those who did me wrong. I have no idea how long this season of anger will last, and I’m trying to just let myself feel it. I will release it someday, I’m sure, just not today.

If you’d like to engage with some journal prompts about shame and blame you can find them over at my Substack. https://substack.com/home/post/p-175560760

Uncategorized

Journal Prompts For Survivors

Deb M

Happy Tuesday! I’m sure some of you know I have a Substack, but I’m not sure if you know I post journal prompts over there. My prompts are for those who are thinking about leaving or have left a UPCI church or other high-control group. If you haven’t checked them out yet, follow the link below. I’ve covered many topics. Let me know if there is a topic you’d like to see covered.

https://open.substack.com/pub/survivingchurchandchildhood/p/journal-prompts-self-blame?r=3glw93&utm_campaign=post&utm_medium=web&showWelcomeOnShare=true
Writing

Freshen Up

Deb M

Hello friends, as you may have noticed I’ve freshened up my page. I’ve been wanting to do this for a long time. I’m pretty happy with how it turned out considering I’m not a web designer. I also aquired a domain name, debbiemcnultywrites.com. Things are humming along, especially now that I’ve finished my first batch of agent queries. It has been my habit for many years to take a sabbatical during the month of October. It has been a long time since I’ve arrived at the threshold beween September and October feeling so tired. My hope is that the rest will do me good and I will be able to come out swinging in early November. It can be hard to step away from work that is important to you. I’ve done this many times and I know that I will come out on the other side with a new perspective and hopefully a cup full of energy. I intend to keep posting some to my social media it will just be less frequent.

Hope you’re having a lovely autumn!

Debbie

Book

I’ve Been Writing A Book

Deb M

I’ve been writing a book. Wow, it is scary just saying those words. It’s like speaking them makes them real. Those who are close to me are already aware of the work I’ve been doing, and I’m sure they’ve asked themselves when I’ll ever finish. Turns out writing a book is hard work. I always knew it would be, and I doubted myself plenty along the way. I didn’t anticipate how complicated the whole process would be. First, there are so many skills to learn, critiques to consider, and choices to make. What to include and what to keep back just for myself. My rough draft was finished last year, and I’ve spent a year working on revisions. Now that I’ve taken it as far as I can by myself, I’m ready to begin seeking an agent.

It dawned on me last fall that publication couldn’t be the measuring stick of my work. Of course, publication is a goal, but it is just one of many. I chose to measure my success based on whether or not I finished my book. This version of my book is complete, and I’ve been taking a breath to allow that accomplishment to sink in. I know that there will be more revisions to come once my manuscript reaches the hands of an agent and editor. I’m excited to see where that process takes my memoir, but that is for another day.

Another reason to take a pause is so that I can steel myself for the rejection to come. Yep, I’m sure there will be many rejections before I hear a yes. It could take a very long time to gain representation, and that is yet another hurdle on my journey. My heart is pretty tender, and my confidence isn’t always strong, so I’m sure this part of the process will be filled with emotional ups and downs. Once the memoir is out there, I know I will hear from people who do not like what I’ve written, and that will require even more strength, but that worry, too, is for another day.

It feels weird to not be working on revisions. Now my focus is on my book proposal, so the business end. It’s hard not to worry that I’m making it too long or too short, not professional enough, or maybe I’m not getting the right advice about what to include and what not to include. It’s like being ten months pregnant; I’m ready for this baby to be out of the oven, but the doctor has a few more forms for me to sign first.

Have you been through this process? If so, I’d love to hear from you. Do you have tricks of the trade to share? What worked and didn’t work?

Deb