Early Reviews!
I’m so excited to share some early reviews I’ve received for Final Girl-Surviving Church and Childhood.
“In her memoir, Final Girl Surviving Church and Childhood, Debbie McNulty details the fear instilled in her by her church, as well as the grooming and eventual molestation by a man she thought she could trust. However, the most painful part of this book is overall sense of loneliness—loneliness that was used against her in profound ways. This is a hard book to read—but worth the time and effort.” –Russell Gerney, author of The Methuselah Project
“Most children only have to contend with one monster in their lives—the one that lives in the closet or under the bed. Debbie McNulty had to face the Rapture Monster, the Family Dysfunction Monster, the Family Violence Monster, the Church Monster, and the Sexuality Monster. Her memoir, Final Girl: Surviving Church and Childhood, is a harrowing tale of a young girl who had to navigate her journey to becoming a young woman without the guidance and protection of those who should have been there when she most needed them. It’s a cautionary story, a must-read for those who care about young girls and supporting their journey towards being women. Parents, Pastors, and those who interact with young girls need to read this book!” –Amy Smyth Miller, author of Home: A Memoir of Family, Forgiveness, and Healing from Complex PTSD
I”n Final Girl Surviving Church and Childhood, Debbie McNulty offers a vision of hope and healing for the millions of humans who have lived with trauma, abuse, and zealously unyielding religious indoctrination. Witnessing her childhood fraught with pain and confusion culminate in personal strength and transformation in all it’s compelling detail, is a privilege. Each page is filled with brave, soulful, and riveting detail which this reader is thankful for. This is a must read for anyone with a heartbeat.” –Rebecca Colt Aslan, Author of Some Truths Lie Beneath
I’m so grateful for these early readers!
Confused Emotions
I’ve been debating where to write about my feelings. My emotions about my book being published have been hard to process and name. I’ve decided this is the best place. My humble blog has always been a platform for real feelings and saying the things that are hard to say. When my proof copy arrived, I was excited to see it! I looked at the cover and thumbed through the pages while my husband watched with anticipation. Then I placed it on the coffee table for a few days. I had a sense that I needed time before diving into the process of checking for errors. It did not take long for me to realize that I wasn’t reacting to this wonderful event the way others in my life expected me to. When they gently probed, all I could say was, “I don’t know how I feel?” Sometimes naming emotions is hard for me, especially when they are emotions I’m not accustomed to feeling. After processing with my therapist I have a better understanding of what is happening.
Real talk, writing this memoir has been a whole thing. While writing I went to all the darkest corners of my childhood. I wrestled with god all over again. Reliving some of these experiences not only opened old wounds but also created some new ones. It forced me to confront and make peace, and now maybe let go. So, I poured everything I had into this process and manifested something tangible you can hold in your hands. This object, my book represents two very different things. It is a representation of all the trauma and hope I experienced. It’s full of pain, struggle, tragedy, and abuse. I’ve managed to relate it all on paper and I’m asking people to read it and maybe pull some hope from it. It also represents hard work and triumph. It is the manifestation of believing in myself enough to try to do something really hard. I’m sure you can see how all this has created some mixed feelings.
What I know for sure is, I am grateful. Grateful for the healing, the experience, and the support I’ve gained along the way. I’m trying hard to remember self-compassion. No, I’m probably not reacting the way a person without all my trauma would react, and that is okay. Some days I’m optimistic and other days I’m scared to death. It’s complicated, and that makes sense. My story is complicated because I’ve lived a complicated life. This is just another chapter.
We are just over 70 days away from publication. When I get the pre-sale info I will post it! Thank you for your continued support.
My Proof Copy Has Arrived!
I finally have my proof copy in my hands! I’m so excited to share my story with you. Launch date is in October.
Loss and Gratitude
Not long ago, I lost a dear friend, Deanna Jo. When I first learned of her passing, I was in shock, and in some ways, I still am. Whenever her face appears in my Facebook feed, grief squeezes my heart. Right after her passing, I said she was one of the best people I’d ever met. I feel that even more now than I did then. When I first began to tell my story, she was one of a handful of people who I felt truly believed me. She sat with me through so many Zoom calls. Sometimes we laughed at how crazy it all was, and other times she held space for me to cry. I always felt supported and never judged. We both left The United Pentecostal Church, but we ended up in very different places. I’m sure it will not surprise you that I’m wary of some Christians. I was never wary of Deanna. She kept her faith but also kept her humanity. She showed me love and acceptance, and I will forever be grateful for that.
As I stand on the edge of publishing my book, I’m looking back with gratitude. If I hadn’t been met with so much support early on, I would’ve never even attempted to write a book. I know I’ve said this a million times, writing a book is hard, much harder than you ever expect it to be. My memoir has challenged me to face trauma I wasn’t even fully aware of before I started writing. It has been an educational journey, but more so, it has been a healing journey. Knowing I have people in my corner who believe me and believe in me has kept me going through the hard days. I have no idea how my book will be received, but I do know that no matter what happens, my friends will be there for me.
Deanna Jo was special, and I’m so glad I carry a piece of her in my heart. When the book launches, I will be thinking of her. When the fall decor hits the stores, I will miss our excited messages and photo exchanges. When some UPC person says something unhinged to me, I will want to run and talk it over with her. I’m sad we lost her but so grateful I counted her as my friend while she was here.
My Memoir Cover!
I’m very excited to share my finished cover! It turned out exactly as I hoped it would. The back cover will be revealed once the interior layout is complete.
May Update
It is hard to believe we are already in May. I’m at the part of my publishing journey where I feel like I’m on a fast moving unstoppable train. I’ve moved through the developmental editing process and now I’m waiting for my manuscript to come back from the proofreader. I’ve sent my short bio and photo for the book cover (wow, book cover) and now I’m thinking more about the actual physical book. Some days I’m excited and optimistic and other days I’m freaking out and anxious. No matter how I’m feeling on any given day, I’m feeling gratitude always. This journey has changed my life. even if I never sell one single copy of my memoir, the process has healed me in so many ways.
I’d be lying if I said I do not worry about the church and how they will receive what I have documented. I’ve also come to realize that these fears are grounded in my childhood trauma and there is nothing the church can do to hurt me. Writing my memoir has been its own form of exposure therapy. I’ve combed over and over this part of my trauma and that has taken much of the power away from it.
Next steps will be to work on the document when I get it back and then start reading for the audio book. My summer is full already but so is my cup.:)
It’s The Endtimes…Again
*Trigger Warning* Rapture anxiety, religious trauma
Are you feeling your nervous system activated by all the media coverage about the war with Iran? It’s hard to escape the news. It has only taken a few days for people in the Trump administration to begin to claim this war is sanctioned by God. Aaron Parnas has been reporting on how some of the military leadership are telling soldiers that Trump was “anointed by Jesus to lead the Iran war.” Then come the quotes from the religious right on social media about “wars and rumors of wars.” Could this be the end we’ve all been waiting for?
This kind of talk is all about Israel and the book of Revelation. As a gen-xer I’ve been here many, many times. This time feels worse than the ones that came before because now they’re not even trying to hide their motivations. They boldly claim Trump to be God’s instrument without even a hint of a blush. In their minds, the endtimes are not something to be feared but something to be encouraged. If Trump can push them closer to their goal, that’s great, even if he seems like the farthest thing from a godly man. They see themselves as the winners at the end of it all, the ultimate chance to own the libs.
For those of us with religious trauma, times like these can be tough. Even if you no longer believe in the rapture or the endtimes it can make the hairs on the back of your neck stand up. For me, it brings up so much of my childhood trauma. I know I’d be struggling more right now if I hadn’t done so much trauma recovery work on this topic. As some of you know, I’m in the process of publishing my book. The endtimes play a big role in my childhood. Everyone in my family was always looking for the signs and worrying about who was and wasn’t going to make the rapture. Every war from when I was born in 1970 till now has been seen as proof of the coming Great Tribulation. The impact of this is so strong that whenever I see military vehicles I don’t think of the military I think of the Tribulation. I think of “A Thief In The Night.”
“Tonight I’m being tormented by the monster I call Rapture. I’ve fought this monster a million times. These battles leave me sleep-deprived and ragged, but I always prevail. I’m fifty-three years old, and I’ve been fighting Rapture for fifty years.”
Final Girl Surviving Church and Childhood
If you’re finding yourself anxious about the war please know that you’re not alone. You’re not silly for being upset. It can be hard to give ourselves grace when those around us may not understand why we cannot just forget and get over it. Religious trauma is real and it can really impact your life. Remember to breathe and remind yourself that you are safe. Turn off the news and take a break from social media if that helps. If you have someone in your life who understands, reach out to them for support. As always I’m here if you need help finding resources or if you just need an ear. This will pass and it will come around again.
Another Update
I’m surprised to be back here so soon with another update, but here we are. On March 10th I will be meeting with my developmental editor to go over the first round of edits. I’m excited to be diving back into revisions with fresh focus and ideas. It’s a little scary to be working with someone new. When fear and uncertainty well up I remind myself of all the support I’ve acquired along the way. This writing journey has brought so many wonderful people into my life and I’m sure that will continue.
An email arrived this morning that stopped me in my tracks and made me stop and take a deep breath. The publishers print goal for my book is August 17, 2026. This is much sooner than I anticipated! It’s not bad but it is surprising and overwhelming to think about. The dark side of this is I’ve begun to worry about the church and the blow back I’m bound to receive. I’d love to say I’m healed and not worried about how they will react but that would be a lie. Their reaction is the ominous cloud that threatens to ruin my happiness and sense of accomplishment. I know I have the bravery to push through my worries, I just have to dig a little deeper.
That’s all I have for right now. I will keep sharing updates as I have them. If you’re not connected to me over on Substack please follow and subscribe. I can be found at Surviving Church and Childhood.
Final Girl Moves Ahead
Whew, the last couple of weeks have been a whirlwind. I don’t think anyone can accuse Atmosphere Press of moving slowly. I’m enjoying the quick pace. If you know me, you know I hate to wait, That being said, it’s a lot. I’ve met with an acquisitions editor, my project manager, and a book cover design team member. Any time now I should also be hearing from a developmental editor. I can’t wait to dive back into my memoir and gain some fresh perspective.
When working on the book cover I had to send ten examples of covers I like so they can get a sense of my aesthetic. Then they asked for excerpts from the book to give them a feel for the narrative. I also sent them a list of words I felt described the mood of the book. I can tell that this part of the process is going to be challenging for me. I want a cover that provides the reader with a good idea of what the book is about, but also a cover that isn’t too dark or depressing. Once I have some options I will create a poll so you can give me your input.
Along with Final Girl, I’m working on a new book. The working title is A Spiritual Home. It’s weird to be back at the beginning of a project again. I’m feeling energized by the challenge. I will continue to provide updates on both books here as I have them.