Month: July 2020

Calvary Gospel Church, Childhood, Compassion, Pastor John Grant, Sexual Abuse, Sin, Survivors, Trauma, United Pentecostal Church

Some Things Never Change

Deb M

As new things develop and as I work through my personal trauma I have to ask where is the bottom? Where is the bottom when it comes to Calvary Gospel’s crimes against its congregation. I watched their Sunday morning service after they learned of Glen Uselmann’s charges and I was surprised. I shouldn’t be but I find that they never cease to amaze me. As they sink lower and lower I wonder how did they get this way? During their service, there was no mention of healing for the abused but there was mention of healing for Glenn. They did not display humbleness or any sense of self-reflection. What they did display was a sense of being persecuted. Pastor Roy Grant once again did not speak to his congregation. I have watched many regular services now and he has not spoken at any of them. I have to wonder where is his leadership? The speaker mentioned the torture of the saints and those dealing with depression but no mention was made of the trauma survivors. It is important to keep in mind that we survivors are the children of their congregation. They raised us and their lack of compassion towards our pain is nothing short of stunning. They continue to direct all of their love and compassion towards the ones who committed crimes against their children. When they speak out against myself and others they often say that we mischaracterize their views on women. I do not understand how they can say that when their views are so obvious and on full display. As girls, we were made to believe that we were second class citizens in the kingdom of God. Not just second class citizens but walking sin that needed to be covered up, hidden, and we needed to be ever vigilant lest we caused our brother to fall. Whatever they actually believed the message that was delivered was that men bear no responsibility for their actions but little girls should somehow be capable to make or break a man in the lust department. Little girls were told not to bring shame on the church by reporting, not to ruin a grown man’s life, and to take responsibility for the whole situation. Little girls often bore the stain of whatever happened while the men would go on to make their mark in the ministry. If women are truly the weaker vessel then why are they given so much responsibility to carry, especially young girls? It is also important to point out that we are talking about children. Grown men should not be lusting after children. A girl of 11 or 12 is a child. Most of the rest of society can see this why can’t they? They act so put upon, so persecuted, and they seem to have no awareness of their responsibility. As they dig in their heels they risk falling deeper into the pit they have created for themselves.

D

Calvary Gospel Church, Pastor John Grant, Sexual Abuse, Survivors, Trauma, Uncategorized, United Pentecostal Church

Something Good

Deb M

It is pretty unusual for me to have something good to report and so I am really happy to have some positive news to share with you today! Some of you may remember reading Rebecca’s story here:

https://survivingchurchandchildhood.wordpress.com/2019/03/23/a-second-victim-steps-forward-rebeccas-story/

https://survivingchurchandchildhood.wordpress.com/2019/11/12/beckys-story-continues/

I am happy to report that her abuser is going to get his day in court. You can read about his charges below!

https://wcca.wicourts.gov/caseDetail.html?caseNo=2020CF001760&countyNo=13&index=0&mode=details 

Here is an update reported in The Cap Times this morning:

https://madison.com/ct/news/local/govt-and-politics/charges-filed-in-sexual-assault-case-linked-to-madisons-calvary-gospel-church/article_34569c20-ab50-5d81-862c-d425b1281b54.html#tracking-source=home-top-story

These charges are very serious and I hope that he does some serious jail time. Rebecca is fortunate that her case is still inside the statute of limitations. I am hoping that by shining a light on this case more survivors may come forward. It can be so scary to tell your story and when you go to the police often you have to tell your story over and over. Rebecca is a brave warrior and I am so happy for her!

I would be lying if I said this situation hasn’t caused me some worry. The fact is we just do not know how Calvary Gospel and the Grant family will respond to this. They have never had the light of justice shined in their eyes before. They have never been held responsible for anything. Granted this case is bringing Glen to justice and not John Grant it still has to have them rattled. They may be called into court to testify and who knows what Glen might say about the church and the Grants when he is attempting to cut a deal. In my experience, the Grants will throw people under the bus to save their own skin. I will update you as things continue to unfold.

 

Warrior Women

I will continue to fight alongside Rebecca as long as it takes to bring all of these predators to justice!

D

 

 

BITE Model, Calvary Gospel Church, United Pentecostal Church

Thoughts About CGC and the Bite Model 2

Deb M

In my previous post, I discussed Steven Hassan’s Bite Model and how I feel it pertains to Calvary Gospel Church. I am still working through the Behavior section.

  • Regulate a person’s physical reality.
  • Dictate where, how, and with whom the member lives and associates or isolates.
  • When, how, and with whom the member has sex.
  • Control types of clothing and hairstyles.
  • Regulate diet – food and drink, hunger, and/or fasting.

Ok, that is a lot to chew on! I lumped these together because to me they all have so much to do with the material world. I think the first point covers most of the others. CGC plays a powerful role in where members reside and even which UPC church you can attend. I have heard stories of folks who have attended CGC being told they cannot move or cannot switch to another local UPC church. The church certainly teaches about who it is ok to associate with. If you are obedient regarding these things you will soon find yourself isolated with only the church as your support system. My mother was even told which jobs she could accept.

Whether you believe in premarital sex or not you cannot argue that the church dictates when, how, and with whom a member has sex. You must be married to have sex, period. If you are a woman and you break this rule you can be sure that you will wear the stain of your transgression for the rest of your life. Anything bad that happens to you may be used to point back to that time you had sex outside of marriage even if that was when you were 15 years old. Men do not wear this stain. Jesus may forgive but the church does not forget and if you are a woman you will be viewed as “fallen” forever.

I have discovered through communicating with other ex-UPC members that CGC is on the strict side concerning holiness standards. Again for men, the clothing and hair standard is not that different from what you might find in the world. They must have short hair and no shorts but that really isn’t a huge burden. Women on the other hand do not blend into the world at all, in fact, they stand out like a sore thumb. Now that I am out of the church I can spot them a mile away. Uncut hair, no pants, no makeup, and mostly no jewelry. For women, their appearance is highly controlled. As a teen, I spent a lot of time worrying about whether my clothing was right. After all that I was still judged for what I wore. I was trying but because my mother didn’t really care and I did not have an adult to guide me through some of the finer points, and boy do those finer points matter. Women within CGC are very cruel to each other regarding dress. It is used as a way to classify women and assign them a rank. How much can you spend on your clothing? Does it fall perfectly within the rules? There is also the complicating issue of depending on your rank you may be able to get away with more than someone lower down. Clothing and hair can be used as a weapon against women and it is one of the uglier parts of the underbelly of CGC. When I was a kid we did not have a lot of money, especially before 1983. My mom would buy me things on clearance and at Goodwill and then I would have to try to make it work within the standards. I always carried safety pins with me and my blouses and skirts were often all pinned up to make them compliant. My hair was fine and frizzy making it hard to recreate the fancy hairstyles synonymous with the UCP. I felt like I never looked right.

This brings us to the 5th point. You can’t drink booze that is common within the UPC. Fasting is encouraged and I did that with ease as a kid because I was well acquainted with hunger. I don’t know that they restrict any other food or drink but they do have a problem with food. This is my opinion and others may disagree with me. I feel CGC has a food problem or more specifically a gluttony problem. Food is like a sport to them. There are so many things you’re not allowed to do but eating is embraced with gusto, maybe too much gusto. Food is often associated with community and sharing food builds closeness. I feel it becomes an issue when all gatherings seem to center on food. That is how it was when I was a kid, it may have changed since then.

In my opinion, CGC hits all of these points, what are your thoughts?

D