Month: July 2023

Calvary Gospel Church, Pastor John Grant, Sexual Abuse, Survivors, United Pentecostal Church

The United Pentecostal Church and The Madison Survivors

Deb M

The last 24 hours has been very difficult for myself and others within our survivor community. We have been in the midst of an investigation being conducted by the United Pentecostal Church Wisconsin District. That investigation has wrapped up and the outcome is about what we all expected. John Grant was given probation for a year and he confessed to what amounts to breaking their rules regarding licensing. They claim they can do nothing about the fact that he covered up crimes against young girls that occurred when he was both pastor and district superintendent. The reason given is because there is nothing in the manual that states protecting children is an expectation for pastors. As you might imagine I have feelings about this. I will ask for grace from you all as I try to unwind how I feel about this outcome. I’ve spent much of my day in tears and dealing with hang up calls. I feel threatened even though I have no idea if the calls are from congregants or not.

The biggest problem I have with this outcome is the fact that survivors were not at the center of it. We went in and gave testimony to men we did not know regarding very personal and traumatic subject matter and they did nothing with all of the info we gave them. So why did they need our testimony? It is public record that Glen U. was arrested and sentenced and that he was a minister promoted by John Grant. John Grant went to court and testified to all of that. So they could have done all of this without us, right? Well no, they needed someone to make a complaint before they would act. They also refused to pay for the trial transcripts claiming they were too expensive. So we did what they asked and all he got was a slap on the wrist. It is my opinion that he should have lost his license and the whole church should have had to deal with a visit and reprimand from David Bernard. If asked they will claim there is nothing they can do and I just don’t believe that. If centering survivors mattered to them they would have demanded that John Grant not only apologize for the rule he broke but also apologize to us. They would have offered some ongoing support for survivors therapy because lets be honest we all know they have the money. They would have made a phone call or met with us in person to answer our questions rather than hiding behind a certified letter. When they asked us to come in person we did but when it is their turn to be vulnerable they hide like scared children. They recorded us as we told our stories and then they hide from us because they are afraid of what we might say about them. If they cared about survivors salvation as they claim to they could create survivor safe services, meaning a church service only for survivors in a non-church building location. In the end their reply was cold and sanitary, all by the book.

John Grant did not confess or apologize for promoting Steve Dahl. He was district superintendent when Steve was sent to Brother Bridges church in Neenah. Steve was allowed to lead a daughter work and was even included in the directory. John Grant knew that Steve had molested two girls, myself included, while he was at the Madison church, and still he was welcomed back with open arms. He was shown grace that they never extended to me. I am done extending any grace to The United Pentecostal Church. I have jumped through their hoops and entrusted my case to their Safe Church program. They have proven to be all talk and no action. We wanted consequences and for them to take responsibility. Because what he did to the survivors wasn’t even considered in my mind we got nothing. I feel burned by the entire process and it will take a very long time to heal from this fresh trauma.

Assemblies of God Church, boundaries, C-PTSD, Family, Rapture, Uncategorized

Spiritual Abuse From Within The Family

Deb M

I’m back after a long break! I’m writing a book and so I’ve been putting much of my focus there. There are some things happening within the UPC Wisconsin District and hopefully soon I will have an update for you all.

The reason I’m here today has to do with some fresh spiritual abuse coming from my family. I do not have a ton of extended family and I’ve mostly put space between them and myself due to how judgmental they can be. I know that my mother’s fear of the rapture and hell came directly from her parents and then she passed it on down to me. When she decided to attend a church that her parents disapproved of it created a ton of drama in the family. Their brand of Christianity comes with a heavy dose of fear and standing in judgement of others. My uncle Mike is an assistant pastor in Florida. He posts the services from his church onto Youtube. A family member made me aware of some things that my uncle Mike first said about me and then about my brother. This all came about because my uncle has had some really unkind things to say about my brother and his sexuality and lack of church attendance. I stayed out of it until I felt I had to step in as a shield for my little brother. Then my uncle Mike turned his venom onto me. After I asked him to stop talking about my brother and I in his sermons and also to stop harassing my brother I blocked him from my social media. After this he went in front of his church and told them that he had been to the gates of hell because of the conversations my brother and I had with him. He has gone on to lie further about his communications with my brother. I just don’t understand how you can get up in front of your church and lie about your family. Both my brother and I have been nothing but respectful toward him in these conversations. I did tell him to remove the beam from his own eye before trying to remove it from my brother and I. I tried to explain to him in language that he could understand that he should focus on his own salvation.

My brother and I have suffered a lot because of our family. Many of them have held a zero tolerance policy towards homosexuality but also just towards churches that are not exactly like theirs. Every time they attempt to speak with us about God it always comes with a fear chaser. They dangle hell over our heads and then wonder why we want nothing to do with them. Here on earth they have not been kind, loving, or nurturing. Instead they have been judgmental, intolerant, and cold. They speak about the love of Christ but that is not what they are projecting out into the world. They only have love for those who are exactly like them or believe close enough to what they believe. Over and over I have heard how much they miss me and yet whenever I interact with them I’m told that hell is waiting for me. My uncle Mike even alluded to wanting to be present when we are standing before God so he could bare witness to what happens to us. Maybe if they approached us with love, acceptance, and care we wouldn’t feel the need to run away from them. Maybe if they presented God as love instead of a wrathful judge we would be more inclined to want to be a part of their faith. I have presented my uncle Mike with this perspective but he doesn’t want to hear it. Instead he uses his interactions with my brother and I to talk about how there isn’t much time and you never know when you’re going to die. He talks about us making his life so hard when we didn’t go looking for a fight with him, we are just living our lives. He attacked and then is hurt that he didn’t get the response that he wanted. I feel that even if we agreed with him and came back to church we wouldn’t ever be good enough. We would never be right. We only serve as a way for him to toot his own horn and celebrate his ability to scare us back into the fold.

I wish I could say that I’m beyond being hurt by them. Whenever something like this happens it triggers that part of me that has suffered so much at the hands of the church. It reminds me of my mother and all that she suffered because of her family. I think of her praying night after night begging God for help and never feeling rapture ready. I was the only witness to that pain and I lay the blame firmly at the feet of our family. In this moment as I feel the tightness in my chest that comes when my C-PTSD is triggered, I’m trying to remember to be grateful. I’m so grateful to be free from the fear virus that my family line carries. I may not always feel free and so I have to remind myself. I’m surrounded by my children and grandchildren who love me and a supportive community of friends. Lastly I’m free from the scary, always constant monster of a God that was introduced to me in my childhood.