Category: Book

Book

I’ve Been Writing A Book

Deb M

I’ve been writing a book. Wow, it is scary just saying those words. It’s like speaking them makes them real. Those who are close to me are already aware of the work I’ve been doing, and I’m sure they’ve asked themselves when I’ll ever finish. Turns out writing a book is hard work. I always knew it would be, and I doubted myself plenty along the way. I didn’t anticipate how complicated the whole process would be. First, there are so many skills to learn, critiques to consider, and choices to make. What to include and what to keep back just for myself. My rough draft was finished last year, and I’ve spent a year working on revisions. Now that I’ve taken it as far as I can by myself, I’m ready to begin seeking an agent.

It dawned on me last fall that publication couldn’t be the measuring stick of my work. Of course, publication is a goal, but it is just one of many. I chose to measure my success based on whether or not I finished my book. This version of my book is complete, and I’ve been taking a breath to allow that accomplishment to sink in. I know that there will be more revisions to come once my manuscript reaches the hands of an agent and editor. I’m excited to see where that process takes my memoir, but that is for another day.

Another reason to take a pause is so that I can steel myself for the rejection to come. Yep, I’m sure there will be many rejections before I hear a yes. It could take a very long time to gain representation, and that is yet another hurdle on my journey. My heart is pretty tender, and my confidence isn’t always strong, so I’m sure this part of the process will be filled with emotional ups and downs. Once the memoir is out there, I know I will hear from people who do not like what I’ve written, and that will require even more strength, but that worry, too, is for another day.

It feels weird to not be working on revisions. Now my focus is on my book proposal, so the business end. It’s hard not to worry that I’m making it too long or too short, not professional enough, or maybe I’m not getting the right advice about what to include and what not to include. It’s like being ten months pregnant; I’m ready for this baby to be out of the oven, but the doctor has a few more forms for me to sign first.

Have you been through this process? If so, I’d love to hear from you. Do you have tricks of the trade to share? What worked and didn’t work?

Deb

Book, Healing, Update

Update

Deb M

Hello, long time no see. I’m hoping some of you have been following me over on Substack and TikTok; if not, here I am again. For the last couple of years, most of my energy has been spent working on my book. I’ve completed a two-year writing program and spent many hours in critique groups. It has been a wonderful time of self-discovery, and I’ve learned a lot about how to write a memoir. I appreciate how patient you’ve been with me as I’ve gone through this process. Currently, I’m putting the finishing touches on my book proposal so I can begin to send it out to agents. This is a scary and exhilarating time. Writing my memoir has been a gift, and I feel so privileged to have the time and resources to put into writing it. It has healed me in so many ways while also revealing new sore spots that need attention. As I move ahead, I can only hope I will be able to weather the tough publishing world. I may seem pretty durable and strong on the outside, but on the inside, I’m pretty soft. I plan to document my journey here more closely now that I’m done working on my manuscript.

One important piece of getting your book published is branding and having a platform. This is why you see me in so many places. I’m sure at times it seems like a lot, it feels that way to me, but it is what I must do to meet my goals. This is where you come in. I know some of you have been following me for a long time, and I really appreciate that. If you want to help me push my book over the finish line, please interact with my social media as much as possible. A like on FB, Substack, TikTok, and here can go a long way. It’s even better if you can comment and follow/subscribe. A platform can make or break a memoir writer.

On TikTok, I have been making videos about the church I grew up in and how they compare to the religious right, and what is happening politically now. I talk about race and class and how the church of my childhood handled those issues. My handle is @wicrow.

On Substack, I’ve been writing journal prompts for those who are thinking about or have left the UPC or other high-control groups. I’ve also written some about my experience of being a Mexican American in the current climate. You can follow me here: https://open.substack.com/pub/survivingchurchandchildhood/p/its-okay-to-like-yourself?r=3glw93&utm_campaign=post&utm_medium=web&showWelcomeOnShare=true

I haven’t made a new post on YouTube in a long time. Once I get that going again, I will let you know. 🙂 If you know of anyone who might want me on their podcast or YouTube channel please let me know.

If you’ve made it this far, thank you. Again, I appreciate your support so much and I hope one day you’ll have my book in your hands and we can celebrate together!

Debbie

Book, The United Pentecostal Church, Trauma, Uncategorized, Writing

There Is Always More

Deb M

The last couple of weeks have been a challenge. As you know I’m currently writing a book. I’ve been feeling stuck and frustrated with the process. At the same time I’ve been having many fresh realizations. It feels like more and more layers of UPCI indoctrination are being stripped from me. I’ve had mind blowing ah-has that have left me overwhelmed as I’ve tried to process them. I find myself thinking how strange it is that there is still more to be stripped away. It feels like after all these years there should be nothing left, but there is always more.

For decades I have been seeking to better understand what happened to me when I was a child. I’ve engaged with all sorts of ideas that range from Christian to atheist, always unwinding the past and trying to make sense of it all. Writing my memoir has heightened my questioning which in turn has given me more to unwind and process. Writing while processing can be really taxing and so at times I feel compelled to just surrender to the waves. This means stepping away from my keyboard and taking time to just tear the layers away and see what is underneath. Each wave removes another layer and then there is a tiny transformation, I am changed. Some of these transformations bring joy and that is always a nice surprise. Other transformations reveal another layer of anger and resentment. Next, I have to make peace with whatever has been revealed. I have to learn to accept this new to me self that has been buried deep within. During this time I usually end up asking myself many questions, this part can lead me right back to the unwinding stage. Finally when my emotions and questions have quieted down I can find my way back to the keyboard. Hopefully then my transformed self can bring something fresh, a deeper insight to it all. This is often needed as it can be hard to keep revising the same chapters over and over.

My desire in sharing this with you today is just to reach out. I’m still here, I’m still willing to listen and help, and I’m still working through my own trauma. Please feel free to check in and let me know how you’re doing. Now, I’ve got to get back to my book.

Deb

Book, Childhood

Inspiration

Deb M

Back around nine months ago I created a playlist to help me out when I was feeling uninspired. Some of these songs remind me of my parents or myself during childhood. Other songs are more thematic and stir up memories and feelings about childhood events. I finally feel like I’m ready to share this playlist here.

https://music.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLBpCKCSApwN3swEgQhWgBi6SA2AoZt3on&si=sgLoOlenuonAQzIH

I hope you enjoy this little peek into my childhood and process.

Book, Childhood, Family, Rapture, Trauma, United Pentecostal Church

The Uncomfortable Confessions of a Preacher’s Kid

Deb M

Yesterday I finally finished Ronna Russell’s memoir! I posted a review on Goodreads.

“This book was not an easy read. I grew up in a UPC church as well and at times it all hits too close to home. The author is so brave in her telling of her story! This is a wonderful read for anyone who is interested in learning more about the Christian denominations that exist on the fringe. The author’s vulnerability allows us into a world that many people never see filled with rapture anxiety, purity culture, and the pressure to be good enough. Beyond the church and the damage, it caused is a story of hope, self-acceptance, and self-love. She touches on religion, family, love, lost love, and finding and accepting oneself. I’m grateful she shared her happy ending because it gives hope to all of us raised in that atmosphere. I can’t wait to read what she writes next!”

 

I love memoir’s and this one is even more special because I can relate to it so strongly. It is not often that I have the opportunity to read about another woman’s experience within the UPC. When I talk with other survivors their stories always share common threads. For many, the fear of the rapture and hell is very real and then there is the sense of never measuring up. Normal sexual milestones tend to be suppressed and twisted leaving women feeling wrong and dirty. Secrets are everywhere and there is a knowing that comes with that. They are only secrets because they are not openly expressed but that is not the same as no one knowing or suspecting.

Ronna’s story isn’t just about the bad times it is also about hope, determination, and self-discovery. I owe her a special thanks because she has been an encouragement to me with my own writing. Women supporting women!

D