Category: Leadership

Childhood, Crime, Leadership, Sexual Abuse, Shame, United Pentecostal Church

True Colors

Deb M

When I was a child I was taught that we were not supposed to associate with people outside of the church. The church was very narrowly defined as the United Pentecostal Church. I even got the impression that my pastor did not approve of some of the churches within our Wisconsin UPC district. I know that he thought the church in Janesville was too liberal. If someone left the church they were generally shunned unless the purpose of talking to them was to bring them back into the fold.

It is peculiar to me that so many people from UPC churches here in Wisconsin associate with Steve Dahl. He is not ordained as a UPC minister but that doesn’t seem to matter to them. His doctrine mirrors the UPC doctrine but that usually would not be enough. These are very insular people and they do not associate with outsiders. In my view, there is no bigger outsider than Steve Dahl. I’m sure that not everyone within the district knows about his past but enough of them do. I wonder what he says when they ask why he is not ordained within the UPC? What is even more strange is they preach at his church and he travels to other churches within the UPC. He has followers on his Facebook page who attended CGC when he committed his crimes and yet it seems that time has healed all memory of what he did.

I never felt clean after what Steve did to me. I struggled through my adolescence always feeling judged. As a young person once you have the stain of sexual sin on you it can be impossible to remove. I felt like the adults around me were always assuming I was acting inappropriately. I could never grow past what happened to me. Shame was applied liberally and I soaked it all up. Now as an adult as I try to tell my story from a vulnerable and honest place I am aware that nothing has changed.

Just like when I was a child they prefer the child abuser over the abused child. As I and others have tried to speak out and tell our stories we are scoffed at and declared to be liars by some who don’t even know us or the details of our stories. The church has gone out of its way to be friendly with Steve. They are friends with him on social media and they visit one another’s churches. Just like when the abuse happened he seems to be accepted and I am denied. They did not report his actions at the time and he was taken in by another UPC church. He was eventually put in charge of a daughter work and now it is like nothing ever happened. He does not hold a UPCI license but that doesn’t seem to matter much to them. Meanwhile, when I speak my truth they do not want to hear it. My story is automatically met with denial, disbelief, and scorn. there is no willingness to even entertain the idea that I might be telling the truth. Steve is enjoying a fair amount of support on his page. People are offering him prayers and verbal encouragement as he goes through this difficult trial. Not one person who is still in the church has reached out to me.

It isn’t like this is even a he said she said case. At 12 I had no reason to lie and he was caught in the act with another girl at the same time. At the end of the day, I think accusing Steve would not irritate them so much, what really gets them is my calling out how badly they handled it all. They can’t stand that I am saying Bishop Grant is wrong. They view me as a fallen woman and not as a victim.

Watching how well Steve has been received and how much the church wants to deny all of this has hurt me. When I see people I used to respect, like former Sunday School teachers being friends with Steve online that is pretty hard to witness. The really awful part of this is that Steve is not the only one. I know of multiple men who go on being accepted while the women they abused are labeled liars and troublemakers. As far as I’m concerned they lose all credibility when they behave this way. They are not behaving Biblically or in accordance with their own UPC rules.

I know that the light casts out the darkness and so I have no doubt that the truth is going to come out. I intend to keep working to hold them accountable and I hope that someday soon Steve will have his day of reckoning. I’m going to keep telling the truth. The truth doesn’t change just because people don’t want to believe it.

D

Crime, Fear, Leadership, Sexual Abuse, United Pentecostal Church

On The Edge

Deb M

Today I feel on the edge. Last night the dam broke and all I could do is cry and there doesn’t seem to be an end to these tears. My heart is wrecked from my own pain and the pain of all of the other victims. Yes, some of these tears are from sorrow, but mostly they are tears of anger. People keep reminding me that I’m brave and courageous, I don’t know about that. What I do know is that I’m filled with rage towards the people who hurt so many and those who covered it up. My heart is so heavy and the tears threaten each and every moment of my existence.

My mind always seeks to understand. How can it be that so many children were left unprotected? How can those in authority sleep at night knowing they’ve allowed predators to go free? Forget the Bible and Jesus, how can any moral human be ok with all of that? How can anyone with a soul watch children grow up and be a part of their lives on an almost daily basis and then just shrug when they are wounded in a way that will profoundly change the rest of their life?

This morning the full force of all of this hit me! It can be hard to see people you know so personally as evil but today I’m calling it like it is. I’m tired of twisting myself into pretzels trying to figure out their motives and all of the cultural reasons why seemingly good people go along with bad leadership. There is no excuse. No amount of marriage problems, lust problems, or whatever excuse he is using today will ever excuse what Steve Dahl did to me. There is nothing to understand. He is a pedophile and that is really all I need to know. He is out there in his community and still a danger to those around him. My feelings about Pastor Grant are the same. I don’t care who he was trying to protect, I don’t care about his bad publicity concerns, I don’t care if he was obligated by law to report, what he did in my situation was evil. He was supposed to be my shepherd and teacher. All he taught me was fear, and how little value I had within his congregation.

So I’ve said all of that to say, they should expect no mercy. My concern is for the victims. I believe in cause and effect. They are trying to play the victim now, saying that we are all bitter and seeking to destroy the church. Sadly they are not being honest about their role in their own destruction. I’m sorry if this post comes across as raw and unpolished. One thing you will always get from me is honesty and today this is where I’m at.

D

Leadership, Sexual Abuse, United Pentecostal Church

Bitter

Deb M

Calvary Gospel church has responded. We have been called liars, bitter, and they have accused us of lashing out at the church to bring about its destruction. In every way, they have sought to discredit what we are trying to say. They claim that they have always reported incidents of abuse, but those of us who were victims know this isn’t true. The most common thing I have heard is that we should just let it go and give it to god. We are going about this the wrong way, and that we should get on with our lives.

Being called bitter is a common thing within the UPC. If you ever decide to leave or disagree with the leadership it is because you are bitter. If you are sick and you don’t understand why god hasn’t healed you, it could be because you are bitter. If you say a crime has been committed against you, you should be quiet because you sound bitter. Calling someone bitter is what is used whenever they want to shut you up and control you. Well, that trick doesn’t work on me anymore.

The first person I told about my abuse was Shannon Ramsey. She has passed away and that fact makes me very sad. I could tell as soon as I told her she was horrified, but she was only 19 and I’m sure she had no idea what to do. She went home and told the couple she lived with, Jeanette and Chuck Cox. Jeanette told Shannon to tell me if I did not tell the pastor she would. So then I went and made an appointment with the pastor. Pastor Grant knew because I told him and his wife Darlene knew because he told her everything. Here are the names of the other people in leadership at that time. Roy Grant, the pastor’s son was my youth pastor. Jim Rutherford was my school principal. George O’Neil was a minister and was also the one who baptized me. Felix Crowder was also in ministry, focused on music and the campus ministry. John Seidl was just getting started in ministry at this point. Chuck Cox was a Sunday school teacher and aspiring preacher. Rich Thomas and William Thorpe were both elders at that time, and I know there were other elders I just cannot recall everyone who was in service at that point. These are the men who were in leadership when my abuse happened. Their wives knew too but would have had little power to do anything, unless they broke away from church leadership and went to the cops. I’m not naming them because I’m bitter, I’m naming them because some of them are shifting blame. They were the adults and by going along with leadership they helped cover up a crime.

To understand the scope of this you have to understand how the church works. Everyone knows most everything about everyone else. Gossip is a fun pastime in a religion where most everything is forbidden. There is no way a couple would split up, a man (who was very popular within the church) would just up and leave, and a teenage girl would disappear without people wanting to know what the heck was going on. The kids may not have known but many of the adults did. They may not have known all the details but they knew enough. Because of the control, the leadership has over the congregation I’m sure none of those people would have felt safe stepping out and asking questions or deciding to act on their own. Straight and honest answers are never given so all that is left is gossip and innuendo.

They are not giving straight answers now. They are blame shifting, lying, and victim shaming. They are trying to make us shut up by saying things like, they are monitoring our Facebook pages etc…This makes me laugh a little because my Facebook page is locked down tight. I don’t think I’m their target though, they are targeting victims still in the church, or with family within the church, they are targeting those on the fringes who they fear might start talking. They are doing what they have always done, controlling through fear and intimidation, and with a sprinkle of damnation on the side.

Many of the people listed above are still at Calvary Gospel. Some have spun off and are now running their own churches. Roy Grant my former youth pastor is now the main pastor, John Grant has been granted the title of Bishop. I have to wonder if those who have moved on and started their own churches took with them the lessons John Grant taught them about how to deal with abused children? Roy certainly has, he is showing it in his response to us. No one who is currently in leadership has reached out to me or the other victims. No one has offered support or asked any questions. They are not any more interested in hearing our stories now than they were in hearing our stories when we were young. They just want us to shut up and stop being so bitter. I speak only for myself when I say my days of being quiet and shutting up are over. I have only begun to fight. I’m not bitter I’m awake, aware, and calling them out on their sins.

D